He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize