flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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