hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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