we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
