I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize