hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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