in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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