Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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