So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
