forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Text me some of your sweat
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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