I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
