If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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