wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
