He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
