If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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