How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
