I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
