That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
