Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
