just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sorry about my life...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
