It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
