i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just had sex bonerless
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
