I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
