you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
