suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
