It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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