In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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