nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
