Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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