he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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