fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
