She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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