Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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