i think i have herpe
just one?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
