you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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