Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
