Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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