She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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