I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
