we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
