Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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