I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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