you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she woke up with a sticky ear
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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