I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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