Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
