are you still at the devil's house?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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