Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
