ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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