We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
