i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
