I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We need to get me chipped asap
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
