Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
