It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
