piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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