Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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