i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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