Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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