2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
