Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
