she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I pour the whiskey from now on
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