What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
