so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
