good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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