What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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