I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
