Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i think i have two assholes
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We have started to decorate penises.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
