The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
