I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
