this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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