when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
