the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
