im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
