At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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