From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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