Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
