this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
