I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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