You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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