Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
