I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
