It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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