chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
