She said her name was "party"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
