So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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