I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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