If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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