Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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