Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
