I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
