one two three fourrrrnication!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
